bye bye America

Wie tausend andere Austauschschüler auch, musste ich am 26 März frühzeitig mein Auslandsjahr abbrechen und zurück nach Deutschland fliegen. Das abrupte Ende war nicht leicht für mich und deshalb habe ich einen Text geschrieben, den ich gerne mit euch teilen möchte. Es ist quasi ein Brief an mein Auslandsjahr, der vieles, dass ich in den Staaten erlebt habe reflektiert. Viel Spaß beim lesen. Auch wenn ich weiß, dass manche von euch vielleicht nicht so gut Englisch verstehen, hat es sich richtig angefühlt, diese Worte in der Sprache meines Gastlandes zu verfassen. Ich hoffe, es gibt nicht zu viele Schwierigkeiten beim Lesen.

Dear exchange year,

it is not really exact to call you a year, but even though I was only in the US for 7 and a half months, it has been the time of my life. When I left Germany my heart was full of hopes, wanderlust and thirst for adventure. I had so many expectations and was laying awake many nights to dream about you. Let me tell you something, all the expectations were totally wrong. But that´s not a bad thing, because everything was different, but better than I could have ever imagined. I still remember how I felt, stepping into my new life, with my suitcase at the airport in Newark, How I walked the streets of New York City and felt alive, independent and invincible. I also remember the great nervousness which was in my head, seconds before I met my hostfamily for the first time.

In this past year I experienced how close you can grow together with people that aren´t related to you. They became my second family, the people I trust, that make me laugh every day, that encouraged me and who are so incredibly open-minded and welcoming that I didn´t have another chance but loving them back with my whole heart. To find people in school that want to be my friends was way harder. Nobody there asked for me and many people were uncertain how to talk to an exchange student. What they didn´t know is, that I was happy about every single person that came to me and started a conversation, that I felt gratitude for every smile and every little compliment, I realized really fast that I have to be that person myself and step out of my comfort zone. I want to say thank you to my exchange year. For giving me more self-confidence and for making me a more optimistic and kind person. I don´t wanna lie, making friends was rough. Showing people that I can be more than a nice acquaintance took time. But in the end I was successful. I got to know so many amazing people that showed me their version of America, who drove me around in their cars while singing to deafening music, who I watched 4 horror movies in a row with, who let me paint their wall or went out for american food with me. Among those awesome people, I met a really special person as well. Somebody who turned out to be the first person I fell in love with.

  Unfortunately I also learned about people that spread gossip and talk bad about me, but soon I understood that that shouldn´t hurt me and that I can just ignore those things. 

Thank you exchange, for showing me beautiful Wisconsin, with the woods filled with deer, and the tons of snow, It was a pleasure to live in that winter paradise for a while (although I won´t miss almost getting frostbite or my nose freezing from the inside)

Thank you for letting me experience true team spirit and support when it comes to sports. I was surprised about how much I enjoyed being on the basketball team and how much I improved over the season (the same thing for cheerleading and dance).

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to celebrate holidays with my american family, to eat pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving and hang up ornaments on Christmas. 

Thank you, for the trips to Minneapolis, to Chicago and Greenbay, I made so many memories I will never forget. 

Everything I saw, heard, all the words that got said to me in a language that is not my mother langue, in a country I´ve never been before. They will always be a part of me. They changed me in a good way, and even though time has passed so quickly, the months there had a bigger impact on me than any other year in my lifetime.

You also taught me that there are some things, that I cannot control and that I just have to accept them, in order to deal with the problem. That a worldwide pandemic can just roll in and destroy the dream you lived a few seconds ago. It hurt and I went through a lot of anger, rejections and a lot of tears. I felt like somebody is taking the place away from me that I made a home. I worked so hard to accomplish all of that and I was happy there. Maybe things just stop when they are the best, maybe it is the way it was meant to be. I coulnd´t fight the fact that it is the best for me to return early, but it made me leave 4 days after my family and I made that decision. How I see it, it wasen´t really a choice for me. There was only a reasonable and a childish way to deal  with the situation.

I didn´t get the chance to say good bye and thank you to my friends and a lot of other people. I knew that my exchange wouldn´t be forever but nobody planned an end like this. Hugging my american brothers, mom, dad, grandparents  and my boyfriend for the last time (at least in a while) was heartbreaking. I will never ever forget what they have done for me.

Back in Germany everything was strange. I felt a big relief arriving in my home country after a mess of flights, that were a huge pressure on me. My family was still the same and I was happy to see them, because a little part of me had always missed them for the whole time.

My city and the people in it were still the same and I was confused why everything feels different and like it didn´t change, at the same time. It took me a few days to realize that it is me who changed.

I´m adapting to the daily life in Germany again, as normal as it can be with covid-19 and I´m already planning to visit Wisconsin again as soon as possible. 

In the end I can just say thank you again. It´s a big shout out to my German and my American family, my friends all over the world and my exchange company. Thanks for giving me that opportunity and making me the person I am right now. I will be thankful forever.